And now for today's news....
War, more war, Bankruptcy,more war, civil unrest, hate, persecutions, more war, gaffs,insults,sickness, pandemics,more war,Etc....and anti-Semitism though out the world
Tomorrow's forecasted news,Hope against all odds, health, Israel wins again, Obama still sucks, things generally looking better,DC starts to read what they sign...Oh and also no health reform means no health care, and heath care reform means still no health care. And we still can't seem to all get along.
Hebrew lesson for today.
ReplyDeleteBarach Obam'eem Sukoth
Job opening,
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Requirements:
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THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS
ReplyDeleteYou better hold on to your brain because you are only used to 3 or 4 sentences of my twisted sense of humor. This is almost a book. It all started with that first email I sent to you and started to grow. I hope you enjoy this somehow. At first when I read it, it sounded funny. But the more I read it, it became boring because it is all old news. You are right on the money when you said that the one who laughs last laughs best. A military satellite just spotted a half billion Chinese citizens on their backs laughing simultaneously after they learned that the money vouchers given out by The State of California became more valuable than the dollar when each one was personally autographed by Arnold Schwarzenegger . Switching to the subject of government, things were getting very ominous in Washington. The Supreme Court refused to see a case when 5 Democratic senators were found voting themselves out of office when Harold Reid got a hold of some photos of senators buying GM non-hybrid SUV's for their staff’s. Obama became furious when he found out that the senators had invested government money into GM and threatened to publish the photos openly to the public. He later changed his mind when it was brought to mind that releasing the photos may have put the senetor’s families in harms way and also endangering the lives of the members of The house.
With this news spreading to the NYSE it further weakened the dollar which hit a new net low of negative 50 cents per $1 The new negative dollars sparked new home buyers to exchange chickens when buying short sale and foreclosed homes. New Home buyers waiting inline for Fanny Mae loans because with the news of the negative dollar the could immediately cash in the loans and turn a profit New Home buyers where also busy cashing in the chickens as the nation switched back to the Barter system.This turned into a very strong stimulus to the economy. Unemployment fell to a new low of 1% .The national debt fell to 1 trillion chickens.Experts say that at the current reproductive rate, enough chickens could be raised to balance the budget with in the next 5 years. Upon recovering from salmonella poisoning President Obama appointed a new money Czar, Barney Franks, to head up the National Treasury. Franks reassured the public again that investing in Fanny Mae was still the way to go and insisted that people refrain from calling him “Czar.” He wanted to be known as head CEO instead. Before his confirmation Frank had been held up in Federal prison for chicken laundering. Franks previously met with Timothy Geithner were they both passed some time away together in the same Federal Penitentiary . Franks was later released from prison where he will head up a new branch that will oversee the CEO's and make sure that their salaries do not go above his.Anything above this would be kept in a special account which will be spread to unmotivated people currently hooked on drugs and are in need of immediate financial help. The new tax money would then be invested in legalized marijuana through prescriptions drug farms. Cocaine is now available free of charge at any public health clinic.Over 100 Mexican drug lords were killed when they trampled each other to death fleaing the United States through their underground smuggling tunnels
ReplyDelete.European and Canadian immigration hit an all time high. The federal treasury on Monday stated they will be printing out a new currency called Bama Bucks.The money was in debate as The Rebulican Senate wasted the B in Obama Bucks changed to an S. The value for each Bama Buck was set at 1 Bama Buck per chicken..Timothy Geithner warned the new home buyers to not invest their Bama Bucks in one place saying it is not a good idea to put all their eggs in one basket and rather make their investment with a Buck Buck here and A Buck Buck there. The ACLU immediately slapped a lawsuit on KFC restaurants for denying for the rights of each Bama backed chicken to habeas corpus. The military was upset when some of the chickens were released and shipped to Afghanistan. The army infantry reported that for every 5 chickens released, 3 came back to attack them. Meanwhile Air force officials reported that 20 Bama chickens were killed in a surprise rocket attack along with 5 afghan citizens. The air force apologized for hurting the 5 civilians but said that it was unavoidable because the chickens were using the people as human shields.
ReplyDeleteReturning to the Republican Senate, 10 senators had themselves shipped over to Gitmo for an undetermined amount of time.5 of the senators were charges with nothing and the other 5 were applying for the Al Queda training classes after finding out that they may be laid off before the end of their terms.The 4 Democratic senators that were already there were charged with perjuring themselves when they announced that they would be paying their 2009 taxes before the 2010 elections . And last but not least 4 moderate Democratic senators admitted to having affairs with 8 moderate Republican senators when they were found reaching across party lines and crossing over tp the other party.They made a public statement stating "We did not have sex with those people, never, not once.Now we have to get back and continue doing the business of the American people”. Congress immediately after adjourned and went out of session
ReplyDeleteWhen in a news conference angry reporters asked the senators what their sexual preferences were. They stated they were all Bipartisan. They further denied accusations by making a public statement announced by a live broadcast made by Brian Williams from the Democratic Studios set up at MSNBC news. Rush Limbaugh immediately filed two law suits at Fox News for age discrimination when they hired Glen Beck .The second law suit was filed because Fox News and the Republican Senate never used him for any official statements out of Washington. Fox News also said that if hired Limbaugh would be any access to any prescription drug coverage.
ReplyDeleteOver in the other side of Congress Nancy Pelosi had just returned from having peace talks between Disney World and Honolulu's Beach Resort. However her trip abruptly ended by the national treasury dept who cut off Peloci's funds as her credit ratings. dropped below 500.When she arrived back in Washington she was outraged when she found out that the Senate had failed to pass her "hybrid cow" bill which was hotly contested by Global warming activists and animal rights groups. Pelosi stated that she wanted the bill passed inorder to assist Al Gore in saving the planet for a second consecutive time. The first time being when Al Gore single handedly restored the Ozone layer back to normal which he later said that with the ozone layer back to normal this would further contribute to even more global warming. .Pelosi then threatened The Senate with foreclosure on The House if the Senate held back the The Cow bill any longer. The Senate paid special close attention to her threats after she had put up the entire House of Representative for short sale when they wanted to reposses her 2nd and newest private Jet. When asked how she proposed to foreclose on The House she invoked her 5th ammemdment right for the 200 th time this year and returned to Disney World where she was in talks with Micky Mouse for voting both for McCain and Obama.
ReplyDeleteObama was still too occupied to comment where he was planning on converting McDonald's Hamburger restaurants into funeral homes. The future homes were being built for our nations new chain of Federal banks. The the cap and trade regulations on all cremations were to be placed on each of the new funeral homes.He apologized for the loss of jobs from McDonalds but said in the long run the drop in beef cattle would benefit not only by the US and Tehran but by the entire world.
ReplyDelete. Further updating you on Al Gore, Al Gore continues to recover from his latest suicide attempt when he had chest pains when he mistakenly ate too many black beans and got a bad case of gas. He reportedly almost died when Emergency Medics arrived at his home and he refused any oxygen insisting on carbon dioxide only. Over in the far left wing, Michael Moore was just finishing his latest book. "Michael Jackson is Still Alive" where he proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the CIA had kidnapped Jackson and replaced him with an exact clone made of 100% latex. Madoff was released from jail yesterday when they decided to give him the immediate death penalty. He was then dropped off in front of The Dow Jones Stock Exchange where the market plunged 400 points when they couldn't come to an agreement on where to send the body.
ReplyDeleteThe giant TV scren above Time Square reminded the public not to forget to watch this year's Washington July forth fire works display which was be held in Pryongyang. North Korean leader Kim Jong-il is still mourning the death of his beloved hero and good friend Michael Jackson.Jackson's album "Thriller" was to be played in the North Korean capital in honor Jackson S memory as the first of 10 Taepodong-2 long range missiles were to be launched .The missiles will be making their ceremonial fly overs near The island of Maui and then over Pearl Harbor in the beautiful State of Hawaii .The underground nuclear test was canceled when President Obama apolized to Kim Jong-il for prior US behavior toward North Korea..Kim then promised that he will stop making missile test.Il then readied another fully arned Taepodong-2 missile which carried 5 Iranian nuclear war heads to be fired at Alaska at midnight on July 5th.Sarah Palin then assured the nation that the launch would not take place and reminded Washinton that from Alaska she could stll see Russia which she said was next to China, which is next to North Korea which is in the general areas of Iran. Washington wanted more concrete assurance that the attack would not take place and asked Palin if she was sure that the missile would not be launched ... She answered only by saying "darn it " and "You Bet cha" David Letterman latter read a transcript of Palin’s statement and purposely mis prounoucedher the statement by saying "You Bitch you
ReplyDeleteBill Cheney was found busy in his public location .He was urged by Homeland Security to notify them as soon as he knew what kind of terrorist attack would hit the US. Rev Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson failed to comment when they were spotted inline at a local unemployment office but witnesses claim that they had before hand made some derogatory statements about Obama which included reverse descrimination.
ReplyDeleteAlso head of Al Queda Usama Ben Laden was in negotiations from Pakistan with Hillary Clinton and made a good faith jesture promising that he would no longer condone any beheadings and he would look for another body part to cut off. After the meeting Hillary then called her husband to warn him about the Ben Laden's change in policy.
ReplyDeleteObama was in final talks with ACCORN where they planned on taking over private funeral homes and building a nation wide chain of federal banks in order to create jobs.They were said to be close to an agreement and decided to paint the converted funeral homes in Earth colors in honor of our nations new "green" policies. Finally the president didn't read another bill into law where he abolished sex from the United Stated hoping that all other countries would follow suit .Sex had been found to be a major contributor to global warming and he said needed to be stopped. He said mankind that stopping sex would save all mankind 150 years.He said that our children,all 4 of them, would be indebt because of us for this new law.
ReplyDelete. . And last but not least, President Obama was to visit the Vatican next month to convince the Pope that The United States was not a Christian nation. He told the pope that it was not necessary for the pop to refer to him as Mr. President and that it was ok him go ahead and call him Barak Hussain instead.
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